Reformed Eye for the Arminian Guy

Excerpts from an amusing letter to the Learning Channel:

To Whom It May Concern,

I write today to offer your television network the rights to what I am convinced will soon be the most popular reality show on television.

I offer you Reformed Eye for the Arminian Guy, a new production currently filming pilot episodes in New York City. This exciting new program will offer theological assistance to those men who need it most. In each episode a fabulous team of Reformed men will track down an Arminian guy and offer him the makeover of a lifetime. Each of the five team members is an expert in a different field. Each will assist the subject of the program in a unique way.

Klaus is the library expert. He will examine the person's personal book collection, weeding out any books that are deemed unworthy of a Reformed library. Graham, Yancey, McLaren and Lucado will be replaced by Edwards, Spurgeon, Calvin and Luther. Paperbacks and fancy hardcovers will be replaced by handsome leather-bound volumes, leaving a library that is both beautiful and theologically-correct.

Jonathan serves on the team as personal stylist. He will ensure that the subject of the show looks Reformed. The subject will be provided with a new wardrobe, complete with several handsome suits and a variety of sweater vests. He will be encouraged to wear a tie or other formal apparel at all times. He will learn the importance of always carrying pocket-sized Bibles and copies of Reformed confessions. And, of course, he will learn of the unsuitability of t-shirts, track pants and idolatrous accessories such as crosses. Tattoo removal will be offered to those who need it.

Once this program has proven successful, we hope to expand the franchise to include a variety of similar programs built around similar themes: Protestant Eye for the Catholic Guy is currently under development.

Yours respectfully,

Tim Challies
Producer, Reformed Eye for the Arminian Guy

Hilarious! Read the whole thing!

(HT Where Is Angela)