What's Wrong With Motherhood?

From Instapundit:

IN THE MAIL: Caitlin Flanagan's new book, To Hell with All That : Loving and Loathing Our Inner Housewife. I'm at something of a loss to see why so many lefties hate her so much. But what struck me in reading the book, with its comparison of housekeeping and childrearing from 30 years ago with the same today is how much harder people have made both.

We keep hearing about declining birthrates, but raising a kid is far more expensive -- financially, emotionally, and in terms of time -- today than it was a few decades ago. As she occasionally notes, things that were considered adequate, or even examplary, parenting then are now considered abuse or neglect. In fact, when you look at how the burden of childrearing has increased, it seems amazing that we see as many people having children as we do.

Society would be a lot better off (emotionally and demographically) if it would cut parents more slack on this stuff, though as she notes, much of the pressure is the result of competitiveness among parents, particularly mothers.

As evidence that kids can turn out fine despite all sorts of parenting - and as evidence that the latest fads and pronouncements of experts are often bunk -- Flanagan's book should be read together with James Lileks' Mommy Knows Worst : Highlights from the Golden Age of Bad Parenting Advice. Happily, Amazon recommends the two together, a recommendation that, if followed, may do more to improve American society than many government programs.

I wonder why the shift in societal pressure and increased burden of parenthood? I certainly know many people who run themselves frantic trying to look after their kids, run them to every activity under the sun, and putting themselves under undo stress trying not to fail their children in any way. I know they all do it out of sincere love and devotion for their kids, but I often wonder if it's really what's best for their children or for them?

"[M]uch of the advice from the parenting experts is flapdoodle. But surely the advice is grounded in research on children's development? Yes, from the many useless studies that show a correlation between the behavior of parents and the behavior of their biological children and conclude that parenting shapes the child, as if there were no such thing as heredity."
--Steven Pinker, "The Blank Slate"

My parents might tell a different story, but I don't remember my life as a child being anywhere near as frantic and "on the go" as families are today. My memories are of growing up in a loving home -- at home. Climbing the tree in the backyard, catching salamanders in the creek, riding my bike with the neighborhood kids, playing with Star Wars action figures, eating popcorn and watching the "Dukes of Hazzard" on Friday nights together as a family, etc. When I was really young, we'd even go on family tractor rides together -- we'd hitch the trailer to the back and Dad would pull Mom, Kevin and me around the yard. Life wasn't a flurry of activity, but it sure was fun! I will always look back to this with very fond memories.



I remember Mom being home to take care of all our boos-boos while Dad went off to slay the dragons to put meat on the table. Both of these things made me feel very secure and very well loved. Mom and Dad were a team and I knew they loved each other and that they loved me. The joy I remember had nothing to do with how many activities we could cram into a day, but rather the time we spent together as a family. There's no "parenting technique" that is better than that!

Related Links:

• See my previous post on What Do Women Want?
• Dr. Helen on The Nurture Assumption
• Walter Williams' "Good Wife Guide"